Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Giving Thanks

How in the hell is it less than 30 days to Christmas already? Not that I mind 2005 coming to a close, this hasn't exactly been a banner year for me. Let's just say a certain hotel chain can pucker up and kiss my lily white ass. Thanks for the 6 month vacation (read looking for work) based on 3 years of working with no write ups or customer complaints. Jackasses.

What was I talking about? Long, very long, really long, trips. Driving used to be this great escape for me. I would regularly traverse the I-10 freeway between El Paso and San Antonio; 587 miles door to door just to visit a friend or two... for lunch. Then hop back in the Calais (2 door, dohc, standard) and run on back. I did not mind the trip, I looked forward to it.

I would spend hours imagining my life as a lottery winner. Picturing my future with this girl and that. Think of pop culture changing inventions. Write first chapters in my head. Smoke pack after pack of Marlboro Lights, just because I cannot stand a brown filter. This was the great escape, my journey into the land of freedom. In my car (cue the music) I was safe. Bills, dropping out of high school, spending more money than I had on CD's, none of this mattered. Fights with family, nonexistent employability, in the car I was King. A mighty asphalt shield from life lay before me, and I lovingly tread across it, protected.

Of course this changes when you procreate. Drives are much less about escape and more about safety. Don't drive too tired, don't stop at any reststop and rack out for 5 hours, don't get out of the car without toting the kid along, don't buy yourself a drink without getting two extra, don't push the fuel gauge below E just to see if you can make it further this time before filling up. Not that I regret my marriage and subsequent addition, I do not.

It is just different. One of the many things that change right along with you. Let me assure you, the rewards of a family far outweigh losing the fun of interminably long road trips, I am just reliving the glory days due to my recent run to Arkansas for another psychotic family occasion. Thanksgiving, about the only thing I am thankful for as far as the holiday is that it is over.

Why do we put ourselves in the most uncomfortable, awkward, and annoying situations possible when it comes to the holidays. I love my grandparents, but dealing with, and I mean this in the most extreme definition of the word, *extended* family is like pouring itching powder in your socks and locking your shoes on. You can squirm, you can jump, you can rub your feet together, you can sob, scream, laugh, or even have a nervous breakdown. But nothing you do will make you comfortable.

Every other year I pack my family into the Jeep and embark on a twenty hour round trip drive that none of us want to endure. All because my Grandparents mean the world to me. They want to see their granddaughter, and I want her to see them. I just don't want to be obliged to sit in what is essentially a strangers house and watch football. When I watch football I want to put my feet up on the coffee table, crack open a beer (I almost forgot, drinking is strictly out in the backwards, Baptist, (forgive me) boring ass town that time forgot.

A dry county! Who in the hell invented this idea. How is it even in the realm of possibility to hold a family function sans alcohol. Can you see my dilemma people? The world has gone sideways.

Enough of this rambling trash. Thank the good Lord that I do have a family to give me something to do while I wait for the hours to pass so that I may once again climb back into the car and get home. Where the liquor awaits me, patient and pure.


More later.

1 comment:

Michael said...

Friends don't know enough about you to treat you as bad as your family does.